Forgiveness

I'm learning about this everyday. I realized yesterday after spending some time with a really good friend, that I must learn to forgive. You must forgive yourself before you are able to forgive anyone else. It's tough sometimes, but once you do it, you realize more about where you are in life. It takes being down in the dumps to realize that other people need you too. It's not all about us, never is, never has been. Think of someone else... Yeah, it's nice for someone to care about you, but keep in mind, someone has to care about them. It's not a one way street. Even when you feel like you're pouring and pouring out of yourself, and that there's nothing left to give, there's always more when God is the one filling you up. You must go to the well that never ends to be replenished, not your friends because some of them... if not all, need filling too. We all need help, but you must first help yourself.

Enslaved by Flesh

I'm such an awful person. I realized yet again yesterday how truly bad I am, without Christ. I must die daily to self, surrendering each problem, each frustration, each need. It is only He who lives within me that does any good. It's so humbling. If I were not saved by grace, I would not be where I am nor do what I do. God knows my strengths and weaknesses inside and out. Life is all about me figuring out what those things are and how I handle each one.

At the same time, it's amazing to be able to thank God for each moment that I'm here, daily a lil' blessing in this grand scheme. I learn something new everyday. I love listening to my friends, hearing about their lives and what they deal with. We're here to help each other, through the good and the bad. Keep that in mind when someone needs you. Sometimes all a person needs is an ear, not your advice. They need to know someone cares, not necessarily hear your answer to their problem.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
- 2nd Corinthians 12:9

So here me now, I will gladly boast that I struggle. I will gladly boast that it is God who makes me who I am. It's all because of God that I don't daily go off on customers or family members. When I do, it's a reminder that it is only because of He who lives within me that I am capable of any good. It also reminds me that I am probably not where I should be. When we are right where God wants us, it's much easier to treat someone as Christ would treat them. When we are off doing our own thing, not in His word, not talking to Him daily... typically, we will do our own thing in every circumstance, meaning we'll let our flesh get in the way of our ministry. When we admit our struggles, He is able to do so much with our willing vessels. Never limit what God can do in you and through you. Sometimes a smile is all it takes to make someone's day and sometimes a harsh word can do just the opposite.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
- Proverbs 15:1

Tis so true. If a bad word slips out, if I am rude to someone, if I just don't have a good attitude, it's not justifiable in any sense, but that's me. I'm a sinner saved by grace and any good that I do is merely because of my God.

I'm not perfect and praise Jesus for that. I'd hate to know I'm responsible for every soul in this universe. It's an awesome blessing to know God is in control and keeps me snuggled in His arms everyday. The beautiful thing is... you are too.

Moving On

It's really early in the am...
Today is Erskine's graduation. I've got a couple of really close friends whom I dare not go see walk that walk. It's amazing how fast time flies. I've been out of college for over a year and my life is nothing how I pictured it would be, but better than I ever imagined. It's definitely different, but in a good, sovereign way.

I'm beginning to realize that who I was and who I am are conflicting notions. Not necessarily my personality and how I interact with people, but my views on life and of circumstances. I've grown up a lot since having to be on my own in this world, living by myself, paying my bills, working full-time jobs, but it's been good. I'm not gonna lie, life after college is a beast, not because it's hard, but because it's different. It is worth every minute.

I often catch myself looking at my friends who are younger and getting so excited for them. The next 4 years of your lives, be it you are graduating from high school or from college, will be some of the most interesting, stressful, awesome, scary, and life-changing years you ever experience. Take it one day at a time, piece by piece, savoring each moment. Take some time out to breathe... it's required.

I guess this is an ode to the graduates, whatever stage you are at. I love each of you whom I know personally and wish you the best. Be encouraged that this is the beginning of a beautiful change in your life. Don't be afraid of the unknown but excited about the potential. Life is always full of surprises. When I look at where I am now, verses where I thought I'd be, there are no comparisons, but I wouldn't change a thing (minus all the sin it took to get me here...lol).

I know I have been stuck on this verse for a long time, but it's seriously one of the most encouraging verses to me, plus the fact that God is really stressing it to me this month. It's not overwhelming, but a reminder. A reminder of a God who has it all together. A God who knows what's best for you. But more than that... A God who loves you more than we can even fathom what love is.

Seek to understand...
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
~ Ephesians 3:20-21

God has no time restraints, nor limitations. He is not bound by what our feeble minds think our lives should end up like. As long as we're giving all the credit to where it is due, we'll never cease to be amazed at what God can do with a lil' bit of willingness. Praise God, we have something on a higher power than that of ourselves orchestrating this thing we call life.

I'm feeling some inspiration start up... gotta save it for another day though, after I do a lil' more research...lol.

Have a beautiful day and love on people. It's what we're called to do and you know that somewhere deep down inside your body, it'll give you the warm fuzzies. Love.

Yeah...

Sometimes when you think people respect you or really appreciate you, they don't. New revelation.

Respect

It's hard to be an adult. There are always things that get in the way of being a kid again. You have responsibilities, people who look up to you, duties, you name it. Praise Jesus there are moments when are souls can be refreshed. I look forward to moments with close friends, catching up on the issues in our lives. I look forward to coming home to my dog who loves me unconditionally. I look forward to the breeze blowing when I'm sitting in the grass. I look forward to some of the smallest of things and am so thankful that I can experience them. I just had the privilege to buy a lawnmower this past week. Now... you'd think... no one in their right mind would be excited about buying a lawn mower, but seriously, this was the highlight of my last 2 weeks. To know that I've worked hard for something, put it to use, and made something else more beautiful just gives me joy like nothing else recently. I have one of the sweetest neighbors ever and she said to me a little while ago how they may need to borrow it... needless to say, I got even more excited. It's as if I can think about what good this lil' lawn mower will do and I just sigh, in refreshment. Love is like that too. God's love... When I feel so sad and as if the whole world has forgotten about love, someone or something gives me hope yet again. Constant renewal. I have no idea what is to come. I can't even begin to imagine, but I look forward to the simplest of times. I look forward to tomorrow...

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
~ Ephesians 3:20-21

Blessings.

God is good. Period. A friend just called me and told me how she's graduating college debt free. Praise God. And... she got a car. And... she won a $500 gift certificate, all within a week. I'm blown away by grace. Grace is and always will be sufficient. When we think there's nothing left, there's a lil' more at the bottom of the barrel. Maybe we should all go climb trees.... in the sunshine.

Revelation

Thanks to a new friend, I thought about some things last night. The reason why I am here is not determined by my past, but by God. God directs my moves, be it big or small, in His complete sovereignty. I often find myself thinking that because of a circumstance or a person, that I am here. Tis not true. I am here not because of a mistake, not because of a relationship, not because of a rhyme or reason. I found myself giving props to a problem in my life for bringing me to this point, which is not reality. I gave someone or something more credit than was due. I am here because of God, nothing more, nothing less. My past does not dictate who I am or what my future will be. I am not defined by an event, but my identity. I must first let go of what I think of myself to face what I am. So simple, but so hard. Until another revelation...

Time to Decide

So, I've been thinking... When one has to make big decisions, how should it be handled? Well.. I've come to the conclusion that I am incapable of making good decisions so why try to do it on my own. I've learned that praying about every little things seems to work better than any reason or rhyme I try to make up. I hate how sometimes when you have tons of people around you, but you have no one at all. It's a wild state to be in. You know that it's alright, but yet you are constantly battling a force that you can't quite get your hands around. Staying busy is good, but then when the business still doesn't quiet the concern, where do you go then? It seems as though no one gets it these days. People are always self-consumed and times are changing. Trends are forever popular and everyone thinks that the whole world is out to get them. News flash... it's not about us. Everyone is struggling. Everyone is hurting. Believe it or not, no one has it together. If we can learn to be completely transparent and just love, I mean a sincere love... something big will happen. When we leave our selfish motives behind and realize there is a greater good at stake, maybe then we'll see the bigger picture. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I don't know what next week holds, but I do know that each moment has enough concern of its own. I could sit here all day and say philosophical stuff that is insightful and enlightening, but why? To impress someone, to make someone want to know more about me, to create conversation? Or is it that I just need a release? When the words don't seem to make it out and nothing makes sense on the inside, how do you help yourself? When you try to put into words what you really feel and all you can say is "I freaked out," what does that really mean? Hmm... so Courtney just showed me something super neat. This whole blogging thing is new to me. Apparently, I can save this for later. I must go cut some hair... so until later.

Well... refreshment. That's something to think about. When we change something about ourselves, it's refreshing. We feel like we have a new lease on a life that may be humdrum. I really feel like a jack of all trades, master of none... It's somewhat frustrating because I really don't know what I'm really good at. I don't know who I am... or what I truly enjoy. Seriously... who am I and what are my passions?

Losing It

So music... I miss music, alot. More than I thought. I have no idea how to get back involved with music though. I feel so distant from the melodies that once rang so clear and routine. It's like a part of me is missing in a world that I must exist in for now. It's so odd how an event can trigger one to create a blog, realize how much something means to them, and hurt all at the same time. Until later...